StupidGenius here. It’s another week and we have another Eve fiction piece by friend of the podcast, Flow Nelg.
Mining Tales or How I learned to stop worrying and love mining
Life as an immortal is at times boring. However when I get bored it means it is time to go drinking, gambling, clones in little or nothing dancing (with or without poles) or the best of all mining. However there is nothing better to get out of one’s blues, then chewing rocks. Today I am back at the quaint tavern known as “Friendship is Fucking Magic.” Nursing another ice cold heavy water and looking into the eyes of another young miner as he says the almost mystic lines “Hey old man can you tell us about the time in the belt with the stuff?”
Laughing to myself I raise my eye and focus on this 6 monther. After swirling my drink for a moment I grunt and say there was this time….
Yes the mining titans were better for many then dreaming about the annual appearance of a certain God of Eve on a certain visualization, while they explained possible futures. So the word “legs” could be heard chanting in Jita. There is a saying the Gods give and they take and so it was so with the beloved mining titans. Most of us forget that we share our lives with trillions of the creatures known as non-pod pilots. They clean out you captains quarters, repair your ships and do all the hard work of keeping your ship moving in space. These unsung heroes are the greatest treasure of New Eden and for some of us a terrible weakness.
In their quest to make our lives more…ok let’s stop right here. The Gods of this cosmos are not at all times attempting to make our lives better. Sometimes the Gods get bored and as we all know a bored (please insert your favorite saying here. Be it Goon, Test or one of the endless other number of pilots that are famous for their destructive nature while bored) is a dangerous thing. Thus it was that a cruel idea spawned. The Dust Merc’s would get a new set of trainable skills that would allow them to be crew on our ships. At first look this would seem to be a good way for them to move around and be useful at the same time. However as the skills were reviewed a funny thing happened. It seems that the true purpose was to allow the Dust Merc’s to disable ships.
Now I do not know about you but the idea of a 300 billion mining titan being stranded tends to make things pucker. It took only one week for 20 mining titans to be lost due to Dust Merc’s working with Hostile fleets. With that alliances lost 100 billion a week and minerals and ice products that filled the veins of the fleets. The null sec folks fanned the fires of contrived resentment and handed out torches for another Burn Jita protest (I think this was the 13th version). After many days of what the Gods like to call sacred “content”, magically a new set of skills appeared.
These skills allowed for Dust Merc’s to defend a ship and there was another skill that cost 10 billion that would provide the pod pilot with a jettison all unfriendly Merc’s into the embrace of cold cold space. The strange part of these changes is that it looked like the Gods had created all these “features” at the same time but for some perverse reason only gave us one side. I am sure that was just a small oversight.
It is funny to watch the mining titans for it seems that they take in ore or ice and spit out Dust Merc’s. In fact a new trade has been created. You can now buy frozen Dust Merc corpse’s by the pound.
If you would like to contact Flow Nelg, feel free to email firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject line “Mining Tales”.